“Doctor, I am not well.”
“What seems to be ailing you?”
I cannot seem to get myself out of bed in the morning to go running. When the alarm goes off, I make up some excuse, roll over and go back to sleep.”
“The drizzle will make the pavement too slippery. I may fall and get injured.”
“I have a big day today and need to get an extra hour of sleep.”
“Hmmmmm….my shin feels funny, better take it easy today.”
“Oh, I ran hard yesterday (even if I didn’t).
“I am tapering….for a race…in 2013...that I need to sign up for.”
“There might be a dog on my run that bites me.”
“I see. How many miles have you done the last two weeks?”
“40 if that, I used to do 40 in a day on the weekends.”
“Hmmmmmmmm…..that does not sound good.”
“Doc, I don’t have any energy, except to run to the refrigerator and grab a cold IPA.”
“When did you last race?”
“Hmmmmmmm. When did you last sign up for a race?”
“Wow. I mean. Hmmmmmm. Have you skipped races you paid for?”
“Wellllllll, maybe a few.”
“Hmmmmm. I am sorry. It sounds like you have a really bad case.”
“Doc, what is it? What do I have?”
“Ed, I have some bad news for you. You have acute IDD.”
“IDD? Oh my! You can give me some penicillin for that right? This is just between you and me right? My wife does not have to know. Guys code and all. Our little secret.”
“Ed, I am sorry. Penicillin cannot help you. Nothing I can give you will cure IDD.”
“IDD, wait, I thought you said STD. What’s IDD?”
“IDD is short for Inspiration Deficit Disorder. This disease strikes all runners and triathletes eventually. Symptoms range from temporary laziness and lethargy. Sometimes, in rare cases it can lead to Dorito binging and a BMI measurement in the 50s.”
“BMI in the 50’s?. How do you cure it?”
“I cannot cure it. Only you can.”
“How Doctor How?”
“You must get out there and rediscover what you love about running and racing. That is the only way. If you don’t re-find it, you only have six months left.”
“Six months? I am going to die from this?”
“No. Six months until you are hitting belt length PR’s versus race time PRs."
"You gotta save me Doc. Give me something."
"I prescribe the SF Marathon on Sunday. Take two halves and call me on Monday…..Next patient please."